IN the Space…

 

As a Coach, Spiritual Mentor and Healer;  I ‘Hold Space’ for others each and every day. I Hold Space for them to explore, heal and discover who they really are. I guide them through a process of healing from their past, shedding belief systems that don’t serve them and undoing societal programming.

I hold this space for them with non judgemental compassion and unconditional love for their journey and their pain. I hold space for where I know they will land, once the storm has passed.

I guide them back to themselves… where truth lives.

It can be messy doing personal work; for some they must ‘purge’ the old, the angry, the sad and the icky in order to begin to make room for the light to get in. I Hold Space for them and guide them every step of the way.in the space

Holding Space is what I do. It’s who I am and how I show up in most of my life.

We all Hold Space for the players in our lives in one way or another….

I love that version of me. I love and hold deep compassion for my own personal journey that got me to this place.. and yet, I  somehow find myself tripping and falling and judging ME.

You’d think I’d know better.

As I find myself raising two teenagers as a single parent and navigating a new romantic relationship. I feel like all my ‘tools’ have been stripped away somedays. There are days where I am the messy one. The one showing up in ways that don’t make me proud.

I am experiencing fear, anger and frustration. Excitement and wonder… I am all over the map …. AND I am judging it harshly.

“What is wrong with me? I am usually so grounded and peaceful…”

“I almost always know how to lovingly navigate these types of issues…. why can’t I now?”

“Why do I seem to have absolutely NO patience”

“Why am I allowing fear to drive the bus… this just isn’t like me!”

“Where did I go?”

The one tool I was able to tap into after a particularly challenging day was to become the ‘observer’. I literally detach from the situation and look at myself from a 10,000 ft view. I asked LOTS of ‘why’ questions and this is the answer I found.

I am IN THE SPACE!

I discovered that it is tricky, challenging and sometimes down right impossible to be both IN the space and HOLDING the space at the same time.

As an active participant in my most sacred relationships I lost sight and connection to unattachment to outcome; because the outcome REALLY REALLY matters to me. I lost the unbaisedness that comes from operating from that higher place; in my very emotionally raw experience, in that moment; there was a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. I had disconnected from loving kindness and dipped my toe into judgment and self righteousness.

What to do with this new revelation?

Loving self compassion is ALWAYS the answer. First, I shifted into patience and understanding for myself and allowed for the humanness of what was. I gave myself understanding and love for some of the really old wounds that were being triggered. I forgave myself for whipping myself with my own stick. I got clear on what the ‘root’ of the issues really were and I moved forward with a new found awareness.

I had the heartcentered conversations, owned my piece and brought new light in where the darkness once was.

Being IN the space is very different than HOLDING SPACE and sometimes… you just can’t do both. What you can do is ALWAYS leave room for self love, compassion and forgiveness for that is where the healing happens.

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