The images you see are ME. The ‘old’ me and as you’d find me today. The difference between them is not only an outward transformation but more importantly an inner one.
This is NOT a weight loss story.. it is one of healing, purging, shifting and loving…..
I grew up in a family where to my childhood self; love, safety and security were NOT unconditional. It meant that becoming a chronic ‘people pleaser’ and constantly seeking outward validation were my “go to” behaviours.
On the most part, it worked well for me.
I was the ‘good kid’, the ‘good student’, the ‘good employee’ , the ‘good wife’ and the ‘good mother’. I subscribed well to the expectations of others always striving to exceed their expectations EVEN when it was at my own cost.
We’ll time stamp this next layer as spring 2010. I was medicated for depression and anxiety. I had panick attacks, I smoked and weighed 80lbs more than I do today. I was married to a corporate executive and lived my days in suburbia as a stay at home mom… ‘living the dream’.
I didn’t know who I was, what I liked or wanted, I didn’t know how to be alone with my own thoughts…. I was LOST, SAD and very INSECURE.
In late 2010 I started “doing the work”. I hired a Life Coach, worked with a chiropractor and my medical doctor to get off the medications, began weight lifting at the local gym, quit smoking and began to explore spirituality. I embarked on a journey of sorts…. A journey back to me.
My father had passed in 2006 and in 2011 my mother passed away unexpectedly. In 2013 my 22 yr. marriage ended and rock bottom became the foundation on which I began rebuild my life. Thankfully I had already started ‘doing the work’ and had acquired some tools for my box or I don’t know where I would have ended up.
I healed every aspect of my childhood. Felt through the levels of grief of being orphaned at 39yrs old (no matter how old you are, when your parents are gone – you feel orphaned) and the end of ‘what would be’ as my life as a wife came to an abrupt end. I read, meditated, journalled, cried, walked away from and let go of SO much.
The journey has not been an easy one.. but one I would highly recommend none the less.
Today, I am at peace with my past and am inspired by my future. I am pretty much ‘baggage free’. I trust myself and have a deep sense of worthiness. I am courageously transparent and vulnerable with others as I encourage them to be the same. I love my self unconditionally.
This is the “new” me. The me that now passionately guides others through their own transformation journey. The me that shows up in the world bravely and lovingly everyday. This is me and I really like her.