Clients tell me all the time that they have ‘trust issues’. They don’t TRUST that their significant other will show up for them. They don’t TRUST that their boss will be fair. They don’t TRUST that their child will obey or comply with the family rules. They don’t TRUSTthat their parent will be respectful or that their friend won’t let them down…. lots of people have this issue surrounding trust. Perhaps you do too…
What I know about TRUST is that it always begins with YOU. Trust has nothing to do with the other person at all. You have to TRUST yourself to be resourceful enough, strong enough, love yourself enough or be resilient enough to walk away, speak up, choose love, or make another choice.
TRUST always begins with you!
You can’t control what other people do or say, you can only control how you manage it when something shows up in your life that doesn’t align with how you want to feel.
You have to TRUST you!
When you don’t trust yourself you fall into default behaviours such as people pleasing and giving away your power. You assume that others know more, they hold the ability to act and make decisions that you somehow don’t. Something or someone broke your trust with you…
While doing some personal work on this very topic of trust I went on a journey through my own life looking for where trust had been broken. Sadly it began in my case in childhood.
My father was physically present in my life but never emotionally available. My mother; albeit loving, had her own demons that she acted out of. She was a dominating tyrant at times who believed that ‘children should be seen and not heard’. She was ALWAYS right, even when she wasn’t. I was never given an opportunity to have a voice. It was a comply or ‘pay the price’ type of up bringing. I was told what to do, what to wear and who to be friends with. If I didn’t obey I was subjected to verbal abuse, silent treatment and snide remarks. I was never able to learn how to develop and rely upon my own innate intuitive gifts. I wasn’t taught how to follow my own gut, make my own decisions and find my own truth. My TRUST with me was broken.
This lead to a further 30+ years of people pleasing and other dis-empowering behaviours. My default was ‘keep the peace’ and find a way to please, only then will I be ‘safe’. Giving away my ‘power’ to others was my go to. It took a lot of inner work, reflection, journaling and experiential learning to find my way back to TRUST.
Building a strong relationship with yourself from childhood is so incredibly important. Being able to make decisions and mistakes is also important. Being able to learn how to unwaiveringly TRUST yourself is critical in being a confident, loving adult. Someone who can navigate relationships with partners, bosses, friends and parents from a place of ease and grace.
TRUST is always about you… your relationship with you!
Your relationship with YOU truly is the most important one you’ll ever have; invest deeply and lovingly.